George Harrison, Generations

November 24, 2008

Friday November 21 night tribute to George Harrison at Hofstra was superb. Hofstra prof. of Hinduism Mr. Greene, a friend of George Harrison's made the show come alive with his easy manners, gift of the gab and fabulously lively personality. The band was a bit too loud but the music was still wonderful. It was house full but B&I had gone early enough, so found good seats.

Spent Saturday with Bernie and Janet and went over to their get-way place in Long Beach right on the ocean. Breathtaking Sunset over the horizon, something B&I enjoy all through summer during our evening power walk on the boardwalk. Went to Da Vinci's for dinner. Very nice place. Fabulous extreme salad and extreme dessert. Worked harder at the gym on Sunday morning under the hood of extreme weather.

Sunday afternoon actually found time to read the day's NY Times on the same day! Later did some local shopping (veges, fruits et al.), found a couple of things that I needed like a pair of new headphones, leggings, et al. At night got busy with a long phone call, a pretty unusual thing for me, but this was an exception even for its content and the person at the other end. Some of it was about life's unexpected curve balls. This prompted me to post the following piece (about a thousand words long) I wrote early part of summer for a fund raising publication:

Generations
By
Dr. Rohini B. Ramanathan
May 2008


It is said that grandchildren and grandparents are the best of friends because they have a common enemy! The "enemy" being the middle generation that bestowed upon these two generations their "grandness." In other words, this sandwich generation—sometimes I feel like road kill--is not necessarily venerated by either one of its beneficiaries. Then again, service is about not expecting anything in return.

Modern science has prolonged life expectancy, and one should feel extremely grateful for this. By the same token, while medicines and other related life-sustaining technology might prolong life, they have not necessarily increased the quality of life. If all one is doing is trying to stay alive and nothing more, as evident from the inordinate amount of energy that goes into this and the billions of dollars spent by consumers on mainly life-sustaining medicines, when does one really live?

Now in their seventies, my own parents, once the most productive, even as others of their generation had wound down or put away the shingles, seem at this point in their lives to be focused on simply staying alive. Making sure their medicine cabinets are fully stocked at all times. This shocks me to no end, even as I celebrate the value of my pharmaceutical stock price go up. Of course, medicines can also do only so much. Some of them in fact seem to do more harm than good what with their inevitable side effects. Life is not meant to offer simple solutions.
In business, the seller knows that half the money spent on advertising is a waste, but the classic dilemma is, not knowing, which half! Similarly, in medicine, too, once you become dependent on it, there is no way of getting off it seems.

We adult children of the sandwich generation feel helpless to fix all the problems facing the older generation, health issues leading the way. On a daily basis, through our parents who are getting older and less vital, mortality stares us in the face. Life turns into taking care of our parents as if they were our children and we are their parents.

When one is in his/her twenties, it feels glamorous to think that one day we’d be taking care of our parents. I even wrote about this feeling in The New York Times. But once this comes close to becoming a reality and we are not in our twenties anymore, taking care of our parents during their golden (more like rusty) years doesn’t feel so glamorous anymore. It feels more like a chore. Added to this is the fact we had to put many of our dreams on hold because we were taking care of our offspring, the next generation, that is.

After investing your prime in raising your offspring and hoping to step away from this role, you’re told by the media that this Generation Y, a.k.a. the millennial generation is looking not necessarily for a job (easier to define and get) anymore, but fulfillment (less easy to define and find). They seem to wish to master the infinite before the finite. This is one of the smartest generations to come along and indeed their take on life makes sense. But, it’s also a fact that they are able to talk about fulfillment not under a Bodhi Tree, but in the safe confines and comfort of their parents’ support. How interesting and what a luxury!

Just like their ancestors from the Buddha’s generation, even without the material comforts of modern day life, asked in the Sanskrit tongue, "Tatah kim? What next? Or the Greek philosophers insisted on leading an examined life, today, Gen. Y echoes these same sentiments.
Caught between the older generation that reaps the benefits of modern science and technology and the post-modern generation Y raised on "Don’t worry, Be happy" kind of anthems, the sandwich generation sometimes wants to go and hide somewhere.

In the traditional way of life, extended families were/are the norm. On other hand, modern lifestyle with its focus more on self-fulfillment and individual self-expression is at odds with these traditional mores. Now each generation has expectations for itself and they are seldom in sync with one another, though the expectations themselves are not unique to one generation.

Love for a healthy and long life and fulfilling activities in life, and living one’s dreams are universal desires. The disconnect comes when the balance of responsibilities are more on one generation than another, in this case, the sandwich generation. Some folks of this generation have found solutions by sending their parents away to Old People’s Homes, Nursing Homes, etc., and throwing out the younger generation to fend for itself ready or not. For the others who see life as shades of gray, such cut-and-dry solutions don’t seem to be the right approach.

Life is not supposed to be perfect, it’s supposed to be punctuated by moral dilemmas, which means lot of soul searching, which in turn, means, serving non stop until so called solutions show up on their own. Until then, life one day is a picnic but one just doesn’t know about the next.
Living with multiple generations, even with all its neurosis, is still fun, however. Here, even a short or small respite goes a very long way, and even a little free time is never taken for granted. All that’s needed to enjoy the upside is to change one’s paradigm and look at life as being half full.
A friend wonders if when she gets old, would her children take care of her? I am unable to imagine ever being in a situation where I’d be at the mercy of my children. I tell my friend that I doubt I’d ever want my children to focus their energies on me. I want to look at people in their 90’s who run the marathon as my example. Never mind I‘ve never run a single marathon ever.

Another friend tells me about his 90-year-old, fit-as-fiddle mother living in an assisted-living home, using the most colorful language one can imagine, cursing at two late comers to the Passover Party at her facility for being late. We all laugh. Now, that’s the spirit I want to possess when I’m 90!

Ciao!
Ro.