A Tribute, Death, Mourning, Grief

My dad Mayuram V. Subramanian.Indefatigable; Dogged; Determined; Perseverant; Curious: These are some of the words that could describe my late father (12/25/1929-12/25/2010). If he took up a task, he would not rest till he completed it to his satisfaction. Maybe this is why he stayed alive to complete just one more year on this earth. 12/25/2010 was his 82nd birthday.

According to the United Nations, the male life expectancy in the U.S. (ranked 36 tying with Cuba) is 75.6. My dad was probably an Icelander! Yes, I would have loved my dad to live forever, but, unfortunately nobody is immortal; only our legacy is. But my consolation is my father went out on a high note thinking he was returning home for lunch from the ER. By the same token, he also wanted to die in his motherland.

The death was instantaneous and the cause: Sudden Cardiac Arrest. The original reason for going into ER was his trouble breathing, which most likely had been initiated by the rise in his potassium level caused by eating a "wrong" vegetable. Until recently, I too had no idea that certain foods were an absolute no-no for people who went for dialysis, which dad had been going for, for the last three years. When he was under my care and my sister's, oh, how often we had taken away the "unacceptable" foods that sometimes, unknowingly dad would go for.While my sis and I feel that dad’s death was preventable, many console us that when it’s time to go it just is!

My parents were visiting India and after close to three months, because dad, in my opinion, "spoilt" by all the love and affection he received from his extended family in India, got overconfident, he also became careless. Oh, well, again this is my way of trying to find a neat cause for everything, my inability to accept that some things just defy explanation.

Older of two sons, dad lost his father—a successful lawyer in Tanjore District, Tamil Nadu, India—when he was 3 ½ years old. Raised by a single mother and an extended family, dad moved to New Delhi when he was 19 and made a successful career for himself in the Indian Government retiring as deputy comptroller from the Energy Ministry. An old hand in the U.S., thanks to a 1971-’76 stint in D.C., since his retirement at age 58, he had lived in the U.S. and even worked here several years. Thanks to his exceptional ability in math, accounting background and ability to learn and apply new skills, including hardware and software.

Those of you who knew him well might have also experienced his wit and charm like I did. He had an uncanny sense of humor, which I thought he used to cope with life’s adversities. What a neat way to deal with life!

Well, my sis and I lost the man who gave us much and helped us out in every crisis and we will miss him dearly, dearly. Will probably never stop missing him. In fact, right now, my inside feels hollowed out.

Never for a moment take for granted your loved ones. I’m happy I didn’t take for granted my dad’s love and caring despite our different take on some things. Now my mother will be getting a double dose of her family’s love and affection.


Addendum: The weekend of December 18 he had eaten some high-potassium vegetable at a cousin's home, and in the next few days, the reading was 8.1!!! Literally a deadly level. He still got better after being admitted to ER on the 24th though I was alerted and the same night I flew out by business class because no other seat was available. Two hours from the time I left JFK, he passed away. On the 26th early morning after a 17-hour journey, I saw his body and believe you me he looked healthy! Overall, he had become careless which he tended to be even in New York, but I kept a close eye on his diet as did my sis when he was with her. Well, ultimately, as he himself used to say, we assist fate and nobody can stop the hand of destiny from playing out its dominant part. One of his favorite quotes was: Vinaasha Kale Vipareetha buddhihi. Rough translation: When doom awaits you, you usually hasten its arrival.

Till later,

Ro.